I May Seek Therapy.

Our cat brought a snake into the living room. Allow to me to share the event with you-


Jane: SCREAM!

Me: What's- AAAAUUUGHHHHH!!!

Atticus: Wire got a slug! Jane's scared.

Me: EEEEeeeeEEEEegh!

Lizzie stands, passively observing the situation.

Atticus: Look at the sluuuuuug.

Jane: SCREAM!!!

Me: Wire, back outside! AAH IT'S STILL MOVING!! WIRE! OUTSIDE!

Wire goes outside, leaving the snake.

Atticus: Poke the slug?

Me: Nononono!

Jane: SCREAM!

Me: Atticus, look for a stick so we can put the snake outside...

Lizzie: Stick?

Me: Where have all the sticks gone?!?!

Atticus: Jane's scared of the snake.

Jane: SCREEEEEAAAAM!

Me: HOW DO I GET IT OUTSIDE?

Lizzie: Paper?

Me: Good idea, Lizzie.

Lizzie starts coloring on the walls.

I go get about 5 sheets of paper, and then stand over the snake, wishing I could do anything else than what I'm about to do. Anything. Else.

Jane: SCREAM!!

Me: Atticus, open the door.

I bend down, pick up the snake with the paper like you would a tissue with a spider, fling it outside and slam the door shut.

I sit on my heels, breathing heavily and fight an urge to burn the house down so I won't have to live here with this memory.

The End.