Sock Fish!

I know there are people waiting to see pictures of my short hair, and I promise that they are coming! In the meantime, watch this video! I love stop animation, and I thought this was a particularly clever idea. Look at the sock fish!

Oh, Jack Handy.

I decided to take a break from my incessant nesting to eat some raisins and read some old Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy that I found in a closet. I had forgotten how funny some of them are. For Example:

• "Today I accidentally stepped on a snail on the sidewalk in front of our house. And I thought, I too am like that snail. I build a defensive wall around myself, a "shell" if you will. But my shell isn't made of a hard, protective substance. Mine is made out of tinfoil and paper bags. "
• "I bet the sparrow looks at the parrot and thinks, yes, you can talk, but LISTEN TO YOURSELF!"
• "Worship the potato? The idea seemed silly to me. But then I thought, what else is more deserving of worship? It's simple, it's comes from the earth, and it can kill you if you disobey it."
• "If you ever go temporarily insane, don't shoot somebody, like a lot of people do. Instead, try to get some weeding done, because you'd be really surprised."
• "Marta says the interesting thing about fly-fishing is that it's two lives connected by a thin strand. Come on, Marta. Grow up."
• "I wish my name was Todd, because then I could day, 'Yes, my name's Todd. Todd Blankenship.' Oh, I also wish my last name was Blankenship."
• "Love is not something that you can put chains on and throw into a lake. That's called Houdini. Love is liking someone a lot."
• "The other day I got out my can opener and was opening a can of worms when I thought, 'What am I doing?!!'"
• "It makes me made when people say I turned and ran like a scared rabbit. Maybe it was like an angry rabbit, who was going to fight in another fight, away from the first fight."
• "I think in one of the previous lives I was a mighty king, because I like people to do what I say."
• "The tiger can't change his spots. No, wait, he did! Good for him!"
• "Here's a suggestion for a new animal, if some new ones get created or evolve: something that stings you, then laughs at you."
• "I wonder is Dracula ever has ticks."
• "Some folks say it was a miracle. Saint Francis suddenly appeared and knocked the next pitch clean over the fence. But I think it just a lucky swing."
• "One day one of my nephews came up to me and asked if the equator was a real line that went around the Earth, or just an imaginary one, I had to laugh. Laugh and laugh. Because I didn't know, and I thought that maybe by laughing he would forget what he has asked me."
• "If you ever drop your keys into a river molten lava, let 'em go, because, man, they're gone."
• "The first thing was, I learned to forgive myself. Then, I told myself, 'Go ahead and do whatever you want, it's okay by me.'"
• "Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that, I'll be over here, looking through your stuff."
• "Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you'll be a mile from them, and you'll have their shoes."
• "A man doesn't automatically get my respect. He has to get down in the dirt and beg for it."
• "Laurie got offended that I used the word 'puke.' But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like."
• "The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw."

And my favorite Deep Thought ever:

• "It's too bad that whole families have to be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs."

Musings on Haircuts

I just got my hair cut. No, not just one, all of them. Here is my deal: even though I love having a new haircut, I hate the process of getting it done. There's the whole awkward conversation with someone you don't know, but the worst part for me comes when they start styling your hair. But first, the awkward conversation.

Take today for instance: the girl cutting my hair is from Chico, and had been married for just as long as me. We should be able to find things to chat about, right? Well, once we got past how awful Rexburg winters are, and how we both don't know what we're going to do for our 3rd anniversaries, we were out of subjects. So she asks me how long it took me to grow out my hair.

"A year and a few months."

"Wow! That's so fast! And your hair is really thick too. It must be GREAT to have hair like this."

At this point I think, sure, if you exclude the 15 years of childhood where I looked like a wilderbeast because my hair was too crazy to manage, and the literal months of time I have spent straightening and taming, trying to make it look even semi-normal. Of course, this sounds ungrateful (and it is) so I say

"Yeah."

More silence. Then she says

"Okay, let me go get my diffuser."

And now we have come to the point that I most hate, because I never know what to do. I honestly don't know what my problem is, but I find it impossible to tell a stylist "You know what, my hair is really difficult, and I have yet to have a post-haircut style turn out well. I'm just going to leave like this, don't worry about it." I don't have this problem with any other service. I can tell a waiter if I want another fork because the left tine on this one is bent to a 45 degree angle. I feel free to ask the sales associates at Old Navy to fetch me another size or color. But for some reason, I just can't open my mouth to tell my stylist that she is doing my hair wrong, and I would rather she just not mess with it after it's been cut.

Is it because the few times I've been able to say it, the stylists look hurt and confused? Or is it because after the awkward conversation I feel too socially paralyzed to do anything other than sit there slightly embarrassed? It's nothing against them personally, I just have difficult hair. Today when the stylist finished and told me I could put my glasses back on, I knew she was embarrassed by how it turned out. I looked a little like this picture of the dude who plays Dr. Cox, only my hair isn't quite this short.
Oh well. It's not a bad haircut at all. But a diffuser was never meant for Michelle with short hair.

"Whatever happened to the presumption of innocence?"

So I keep wondering how long it will take someone to make the Blagojevich indictment into a comedy film. Anyone else? By the way, the title of this blog is something he said during an interview. I thought it was hilarious.